Why? I’ve had no reason to. I’ve had absolutely nothing to say, no opinion or emotion towards anything, really. Nothing to rant about. Nothing to complain about. But somehow, right here and now, everything is exploding so I decided that I’m going to angrily slam my fingers onto the keyboard and see what kind of blog shows up. I really should be doing my English homework. But I’m not. Expect a VERY LONG post, Tumblrverse, because I have a LOT to complain about.
Speaking of English, I am sooooo mad right now. We’re choosing our classes for next year, and I am CONVINCED that my demon excuse for a teacher will put me in College Level instead of Honors.
I know what you are thinking. Sam, why should you care if you get into College or Honors? I wish I’d get grades as good as yours, you shouldn’t worry!
Well, you know what, Tumblrverse? I AM worried because my mom won’t get off my back about grades. Last term, I got ALL A’S EXCEPT ENGLISH. I got a C+ in that, and my mom is like
SAM YOU SHOULD BE WORKING MORE ON YOUR HOMEWORK AND DOING BETTER IN CLASS BECAUSE IT OBVIOUSLY CAN’T BE THE TEACHERS FAULT.
Well, not those exact words, especially the last part, but that’s what my brain is hearing. And I don’t like what my brain is hearing.
I’m just sick and tired of people expecting everything out of me! I mean, I can’t get a B on something in school without my mom getting upset. You should have seen her when I got a C- on my biology midyear exam…
Speaking of people expecting stuff out of me, I am putting everything I have into theater and what am I getting out of it? People telling me that I need to relax. I’m just annoyed that some people think that they are freaking entitled to everything just because their parents will pay money. I earn things that other people just take for granted and throw away. And you know what? Not to sound spoiled, but I DESERVED to be double casted in Bye Bye Birdie. I am working my ASS OFF trying to memorize lines, I had to learn how to tap dance in less than 3 weeks (the total amount of rehearsal time that we had was 4 hours. How the hell do you expect someone to learn how to dance in 4 hours?)
"We still have a month before the show. We don’t have to listen to the director. Or you, Sam, even though the director made you her assistant and you spent your time memorizing where everyone is supposed to stand. We spend 3 whole hours a day on our own things, that’s totally a valid reason for us to not know anything.
Three hours? Oh, poor you, you spend three hours doing stuff you like. Well, did I mention that I am in 3 shows, one of them I am double-casted in and I have to learn two parts. I have voice lessons every week and I am one of the very few people who actually practices the songs out of rehearsal. I spend hours each week memorizing lines. I take two Honors level classes, and three college level classes. I have had to miss rehearsal to go to student council meetings, and then make up an excuse so I can get back. I have a job, on school nights, that I have to go to. Not to mention my grade-obsessive mother, writing for the school newspaper, being in the Peer Leadership club, and in many other clubs. Please tell me how all of that compares to your “three whole hours”.
And do NOT tell me that I should quit anything so that I can have more time. Doing all of this keeps me motivated, and although it can be hard sometimes, I MAKE IT WORK. Unlike you, who just sits at home all day eating bonbons and doesn’t work on ANYTHING for the show.
The thing that I think is the worst is also some of my best qualities. People trust me. I have potential. I have the ability to make things work. But every complaint makes me realize that, hey, I’m not this perfect girl that everyone thinks I am and expects me to be.
But I’ve been this perfect girl for so long, now I don’t know how to be anything else.
Hopefully, I’ll post much more often, and my next post will DEFINITELY be a recap of my last few weeks. I just needed to put that all out there… Ugh. Life sucks, don’t you think?