Act 1: yay omfg everything is okay no one is dead and we're all sorta happy!
Act 2: EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE EVERYONE IS DEAD OH SWEET JESUS THIS IS HORRIBLE WHY GOD WHY
can you use the term, “i shit you not” in an english essay or is that unprofessional?
nonononono, never use “I” statements in formal essays.
One shits you not
Also acceptable: This author shits you not
It’s best to avoid the “general you.”
"One would not be considered shitted," is probably the best way I could think to word it formally.